This week's search for bizarrely-themed restaurants and bars find your intrepid faux journalist all the way out in Sihui Yixian Guoji, hot on the trail of a Pink Floyd-inspired cafe. It indeed exists and it's called Wish You Were Here.
"Wish You Were Here" -- that's like a Pink Floyd song, eh.
It's a pretty standard, non-descript cafe space but in the lounge area they've got this...
...which is pretty Pink Floyd-ey, and this...
...which is like a Hall of Fame for lame-looking guitars. Are these pink Floyd guitars? Are these legit? I'm not really into that band so I don't know if these are the kind of guitars Jimmy Page uses. Seems legit.
Final item of flare: a stage for Hobbit Christmas performances?
For food I had the "Mr. Fun" Sandwich for 40rmb...
...and a green Coke.
So far away, the Coke is green out here. (It tasted like a Coke.) Yeah, the sandwich. The sandwich was a standard non-chain cafe sandwich, which is to say it was a fried egg, spam, and tuna concoction on the whitest bread possible, and it tasted like it had been sandblasted with Clorox. Where do they get bread this white. Need a new glasses prescription just from looking at this fucking sandwich. I can see it from fucking space.
The Take-Away: Sandwich was NO BRO, but the service was nice, it's comfortable, and the WIFI works. Wish You Were Here is basically like a newer, smaller Beetle in a Box. Out in the middle of nowhere. In Sihui. Off a highway. I'm giving it 2.5 sheets of Syd Barrett blotter acid art out of five.
Also of note: Wish You Were Here is literally right across the road from the Chinese Businessman Museum, which is a nice bit of dramatic irony. Or maybe not "irony" but it's definitely something. The Pink Floyd cafe and the China Businessman Museum face off against each other across a big, zooming stretch of modern highway -- that's definitely something literary. Feeling like I'm at the crossroads of something archetypal here, you know what I mean.
So yeah, you better believe I went to The China Businessman Museum.
Huge bummer. It sucked. Big-time sucked. Shocker, right. By "businessman" they really mean imperial era traders, proprietors, merchants, and entrepreneurs from a bygone dynastic period, so it was basically an all-watercolors exhibition of ancient businessmen doing some ancient bidness. That's it. I was expecting a creative tribute to the modern Chinese businessman -- maybe like a life-size backroom KTV meeting diorama or like a "The Black Audis of Our Times" showpiece -- but it's none of that. Maybe five or six mannequins in a row depicting the evolution of the pleated pants-plus-thin black belt-plus-90-pound key chain combo, but no. A "Hall of Buzzcuts" wing or something. Watercolors. Pffttth. I'd show you pictures but they didn't let me take any and they had a guard follow me around two feet behind me the entire time, super harshing my Pink Floyd buzz. Wack. Stairway DENIED.
China Businessman Museum gets 1.5 bald, crazy-looking, basement-dwelling Syd Barretts out of five. Rack it up.
Wish You Were Here is in Sihui Yixian Guoji. It's facing the highway, towards the back of the front road.